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Annals of a Space Cowboy

October 13, 2007
18:06
A Review of the Kingdom
» ‎ Annals of a Space Cowboy

This is a counter-review to non-Arab fellow blogger Ananyah's review of the recently-released movie the Kingdom (IMDb)...

As a Saudi national both living and studying in the US, many of my American friends, who had seen the Kingdom last weekend, hungrily sought feedback from me as soon as they found out that I saw it too. Before I had opened my mouth with as little as a peep, I wasn't quite sure what the nature of their reactions would be towards what I had to say about this piece of American media.

In short, the movie fed on emotions, a lot of mixed emotions. It relied very much on the cast, visual effect, and the latest advents of cinematography; substance-wise, it was a dismal pond of sensationalism. The movie was not worth the admission fee, to say the least; however, my curiosity was. The cast who played the Saudis were a helter-skelter group of what seemed to be Jordanians and Moroccans for the most; perhaps some Palestinians as well. So, initially, the movie lacked authenticity.

The movie also depicted the leader of the Kingdom as young, pretentious and unexperienced; 'tis quite the contrary to what the current news show nowadays. The plot was an exaggerated, condensed version of all tragic incidents that have occurred thus far in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. The movie showed Saudis as barbaric, misogynistic, chauvinistic, and the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia as hell incarnated. The character Colonel Faris Al Ghazi was the classic US protagonist; he's been to the US and loved it, he's even been to a basketball game. The movie provided viewers with an adolescent perception of world affairs at best. Only 53% of critics have provided positive feedback about the movie so far (for more information, check out this Wikipedia entry).

For those of you who are seeking a good die-hard-like action movie, this is definitely a good choice. However, if you are someone seeking education about the Kingdom and its people, I wouldn't recommend this movie at all, but instead recommend you go read Thicker than Oil: America's Uneasy Partnership with Saudi Arabia by Rachel Bronson (Amazon.com).
October 11, 2007
15:25
Happy Eid
» ‎ Annals of a Space Cowboy

"This is the first time that the Empire State Building will be illuminated for Eid, and the lighting will become an annual event in the same tradition of the yearly lightings for Christmas and Hannukah," according to a statement.
-- Yahoo! News

Very interesting. :)
September 13, 2007
17:14
Ramadan Update
» ‎ Annals of a Space Cowboy

Status: Still alive.
Latest Activities: Weeds, Seasons 1 and 2.
July 20, 2007
18:05
Sundered Reverie (Part Dieciséis) - The Conclusion
» ‎ Annals of a Space Cowboy

Note: For earlier parts to the story, click here.
Recap:
Clock strikes 8. Fares is sitting very impatient. Clock strikes 9. Fares is now frustrated. 15 minutes shy of the clock striking 10, Layan calls...

[Layan]: Hey, you.
[Fares]: Where the hell have you been!!?

[Layan]: What the hell is wrong with you!? Why are you screaming??? This is no way to talk to me!

Fares tries to muffle his wrath to the best of his ability...

[Fares]: Oh yeah? Then tell me, where have you been?
[Layan]: Oh, so now I have to go through my whole daily schedule with you? Funny, I was never informed.
[Fares]: That smart mouth of yours won't get you anywhere.
[Layan]: Oh yeah? Well, mister, that attitude of yours is getting you somewhere really dark.
[Fares]: ...
[Layan]: Hello?
[Fares]: Yeah?
[Layan]: Listen, I need to take care of something. I'll call in you a bit.
[Fares]: Wait...

But she hung up way too soon...

Fares leaves his uncle's old room dumbfounded. His mom meets him with a smile, which then turns into a concerned look; "What's wrong, Faroos?" Fares puts on a faux smile and comforts her; "Nothing, I'm great. Why?" He asks her if they're leaving soon. She tells him that they could leave immediately if he wants, it was getting a bit late anyway and they've been at his grandparents' since lunch. The family drives back home, and Fares goes straight to his room; still no call from her. He lays on his bed and -sure enough- drifts into slumber. He wakes up to one last ring before his mobile phone went silent. He picks it up; "Shit! 3 missed calls from her! Wait, that's it? Three?" He calls back...

[Layan]: Hello.
[Fares]: Yeah.
[Layan]: Hey.
[Fares]: Hi. I didn't think you'd still be up.
[Layan]: Why not?
[Fares]: Well, for starters, it's 3 o'clock in the morning; that's usually a little too late for you.
[Layan]: Well, that amongst many other things has changed.
[Fares]: Heh, oh.

Fares stops himself and swallows the bitter question like 2-year-old taking a dose of a horribly tasting cough medicine, but that didn't last for long...

[Fares]: What do you mean by "amongst many other things?"
[Layan]: Well, I don't know, Fares! It's not the same!
[Fares]: What isn't?
[Layan]: -sigh- Listen, I've been thinking about this for a while, so don't try to change my mind about this; I made a decision.

Fares could feel his heart fall into his stomach as he realizes the nature of the words that are about to come of this girl's mouth...

[Fares]: -hyperventilating- Huh?
[Layan]: Fares, this isn't going anywhere. In fact, it is beginning to choke me. I've talked to my sister and many other friends about this.

Fares thinks to himself; "Fuck! She talked to her sister about this; the one who was never able to keep a guy down for more than a month!?" Layan carries on talking, while Fares listens still unable to make as little as a peep...

[Layan]: This is getting too serious, and we're both so young. I was never yours, Fares; you deserve better, trust me.
[Fares]: But... I want you...
[Layan]: We don't always get what we want, Fares. Like there's someone for everyone, there's someone out there for you; that someone is not me. I'm sorry it had to end this way. Listen, I already blocked you on MSN. And don't try calling back, please, it'll be easier that way. Goodbye Fares.
[Fares]: ...
[Layan]: What? You don't want to have one last goodbye?

She had lost him at "end this way." He had stopped listening. She repeats her question...

[Layan]: Fares, you sure you don't want to have one last goodbye?

Fares is too choked up and frustrated to breathe properly. He swallows his pride, gathers what's left of his composure and replies...

[Fares]: No!
[Layan]: Ok, Fares, whatever you're comfortable with. -hangs up-

Fares stays in denial for a good hour or so. Then, he starts panicking and calls Layan. She doesn't pick up, so he calls again 15 times in a row before he realizes that he had received a text message. It was from her and read "I knew this was going to happen. Please don't call again, it's for the best." That's when it hit him hard; she's never picking up. She's never coming back.

For 3 months after they last talked, Fares was still sending text messages to her to no avail. The tone of what he sent her alternated between bitter/very angry and desperate/hopeless. He introverted and poured his heart out into paintings and dark poems, they were what kept him holding onto his last thread of sanity. He began looking at his trip to the US to go to college with indifference; "Texas" sounded just like "hell" to him. "Out with the reverie, in with the reality;" he thought.

His last months in Khobar, Saudi Arabia, were full of sadness, remorse, longing, and emptiness. His family tried spending as much time as they can with him, but he was never really there; sure he was there in the flesh, but that wasn't enough. A couple of months before he left, he had one fling with an unlucky girl, which rendered his emotional state even worse. He vowed never to fully fall in love with anyone ever again, it would just expose him to the eventual hurt.

"Next time, I'll be careful not to get too close. Like a butterfly around a flame, never get too close or you'll get burned." It's been 4 years now, and Fares still hasn't forgotten; he never trusted anyone completely with his heart since he did with her. And, Layan... Well, Fares heard from a close friend that she had hooked up with a guy three months after their breakup; "She's obviously doing better than I am." Fares still writes poetry, but it's different. The experience helped him grow out of his naive shell.

"I wouldn't have done anything to change it."

This is a true story; Fares' real name is Fahad. :)

Track of the Moment:
Santana Feat. Musiq - "Nothing At All"

The End
July 02, 2007
17:25
Goodbye Ms. Touch
» ‎ Annals of a Space Cowboy

I scurry, I hurry back
I can't run
I stumble, but keep going
I get there
You're caged
I would've pictured you enraged,
but you're as calm as an oblivious canary

I hesitantly call out
There's no way it's you
Once a free spirit,
now circumscribed,
barely alive,
a concubine willingly confined

What about the lines
that you designed?
What about the finds
you left behind?
What about me?
Selfish, I know

After all, there wasn't much
A couple of words, flirts and such
A memory or two of me and you
And a tattoo on my back of your touch

I guess now it'll just be me
I'll keep it beating
I'll make you proud
I'll float
You will care
You will be proud
I hope

I guess the doubt was the only way out
Perhaps you couldn't fight anymore
It's ok, it's fine
I will find mine
Somehow, someway
Not today
But for now,
between you and I,
it'll be goodbye

Track of the Moment:
Counting Crows - "Goodnight Elizabeth"
May 12, 2007
3:00
It Ain't Over till the Chocolate Cake is Eaten
» ‎ Annals of a Space Cowboy

Happy 22nd to me.
April 24, 2007
11:50
Up on a Shelf, Out on a Limb
» ‎ Annals of a Space Cowboy

You came knocking on my door,
when she had just stormed out crying;
A scene you thankfully haven't seen.
I shouldn't have let you in,
my room was still a mess.

You stepped on my feet
till my toes turned blue.
If only I knew
about your concrete shoes.
They brace and they bruise.
How can I walk away now?

Your skin, soft as an infant's,
felt like sandpaper.
And those deep pools for eyes
feel like black holes.
I wish I knew what I was doing.

This is not fair,
it's not yet there
and you're shoving it into my chest.
Like a rusty blade, you're thrusting
back and forth,
back and forth,
back... and forth.

I'll close my eyes.
I'll bleed it out.
I'll isolate myself
from all the doubt.
I'll wear a smile
and hope it works,
and hope this drink
will stop the hurt.

I'll set my heart
aside for now.
And maybe, someday,
you'll all hear me out.

And maybe, someday,
I'll have something to say.

For now, I need to decay.

Track of the Moment:
Keane - "Bedshaped"
April 20, 2007
16:58
Chopycats Syndrome
» ‎ Annals of a Space Cowboy

So far, I've receieved two e-mail alerts from the UT Safety Alert service:
Apr 19, 2007 - 7:04 PM
At approximately 5:30 p.m. The University of Texas at Austin Police Department (UTPD) received a report of a non-specific threatening note in Welch Hall. Police immediately investigated and swept the building with officers and their dogs in accordance with their protocol. The building was cleared as safe at 6:15 p.m. UTPD determined that

And...
Apr 20, 2007 - 1:12 PM
At about 11 a.m. UTPD received a low-level non-specific threat for Perry-Castaneda Library. As of 12:55 p.m., the building has been cleared as safe.

Isn't this getting a little too far? It also seems like this thing is spreading, and fast...
None of the Virginia Tech copycat threats have been carried out, which is probably because a majority of them are done for attention or to get out of class, McGee said. The people making these types of threats usually don't have a clue as to the serious nature of what they're doing, he said. "In quite a few cases, it's nothing more than a very, very poorly chosen prank," he said.
-- The Daily Texan
April 18, 2007
15:16
Bomb Threat Closes South Austin University
» ‎ Annals of a Space Cowboy
AUSTIN, Texas (AP) -- Authorities evacuated buildings Tuesday at St. Edward's University after a threatening note was found, a school official said. The bomb threat came a day after a Virginia Tech student killed at least 30 people locked inside a classroom building in the deadliest shooting rampage in modern U.S. history. Police officers had secured the perimeter of the campus and were searching the buildings, university spokeswoman Mischelle Amador. [...] Students who live on campus were being allowed to return to their dormitories as police finished searching each building, Amador said. Faculty, staff and all other students were asked to stay away from the campus, and morning and afternoon classes were canceled.
-- CNN.com

Is this somebody's idea of a joke? "Hey, what the hell, let's capitalize on the nation's current paranoia and get all of today's classes canceled! Yay!" My dad called me as soon as he saw the news. They had mentioned that the bomb threat was at an Austin university; there was no mention of any specifics. Now, all eyes are on us. I just hope this settles and very soon; I'm about to graduate and I really don't need any unwanted knocks on my door.

Related Articles:
April 16, 2007
19:09
Virgina Tech Death Toll Reaches 33
» ‎ Annals of a Space Cowboy

At least 33 people, including a gunman, were killed Monday during shootings in a dorm and a building housing classrooms at Virginia Tech, university officials said. The death toll makes the incident the deadliest school attack in U.S. history. Two people were killed at a dormitory about 7:15 a.m., while another 30 people were killed two hours later at Norris Hall, the engineering science and mechanics building, university officials said.
-- CNN.com

This is absolutely monstrous; no where is safe anymore. And here I was, thinking that this was bad. That scum of a creature even took his own life. However, "investigators are not ruling out a second shooter." I hope justice is served to the victims of the incident. Some stupid kid even created a Facebook group with the name "A shooting like this wouldnt happen at UVA!" How fucking insensitive! The situation is absolute chaos over there right now, two students jumped out of windows; none of them died, thank God, but they're still in pretty bad shape. They even had a bomb threat three days earlier. According to the school website, "Virginia Tech has canceled all classes. Those on campus are asked to remain where they are, lock their doors and stay away from windows. Persons off campus are asked not to come to campus."

...This is really awful.
March 30, 2007
14:13
A Flicker of Hope
» ‎ Annals of a Space Cowboy
Arab League Summit - March 29, 2007
Absolutely... Everybody was standing behind the Saudis as they relaunched this peace initiative, which they had first put on the table five years ago in 2002, by the then-Crown-Prince-who-is-now-King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia.
Now, for the gem...
But, yes, a rare show of unity from Arab leaders. There was none of the usual insult trading or disputes, or people walking out. Most of the leaders did show up. It was a positive atmosphere. And a lot of the people who were attending felt that it was because the hosts were the Saudis, this regional -this powerful, regional- player; very influential, a lot of clout, also, because it's an oil-rich kingdom. So they really played their role in bringing Arab leaders together.
Take that! And...
- Saudi King Slams "Illegitimate Occupation" of Iraq (Yahoo! News)
- Saudi King: U.S. Military Presence in Iraq 'Illegitimate Occupation' (FOX News)
- Saudi King Blasts U.S. Military in Iraq (USA Today)
- Abdullah: U.S. Occupation 'Illegitimate' (ABC News)
- Arab Allies Condemn U.S. at Summit in Saudi Arabia (LA Times)
- Saudi: US Iraq Presence Illegal (BBC News)
- Saudis on U.S. in Iraq: 'Illegitimate Foreign Occupation' (CNN)
- Saudi King Condemns U.S. Occupation of Iraq (New York Times)
- Abdullah: U.S. Occupation 'Illegitimate' (Washington Post)
LMFAO! Maybe that'll get the message through to a certain someone. Here's the video I got the first quotes from:
March 27, 2007
23:59
Haha. Wait, What?
» ‎ Annals of a Space Cowboy

My sister kept bugging me and sending me this YouTube link on MSN Messenger a couple of days ago. She told me that it was shocking and hilarious at the same time. I finally yielded, and decided to see what it was about. Indeed, I was both appalled and amused by the cartoon clip.

The clip shows a scene from an episode of American Dad, another animated TV series from the makers of Family Guy. The episode was titled "Stan of Arabia;" it actually was 2 parts. The episode shows Stan being sent to Saudi Arabia as punishment for messing up his boss' 25th-year-commemoration party. Below are two YouTube clips, one of which has Francine singing in the streets of Saudi Arabia, her in an abaya, which is then taken off to expose her lingerie as she dances around Saudi men, and Stan in a thobe; this is the one my sister sent me the link to. The other clip is a compilation of hilarious outtakes from the episode. It's really worth the watch!

...I think I'm going to download the full episode.

Update:
I just found out that on April 13th, Seth MacFarlane, the creator of Family Guy and American Dad, will be talking here at UT.
March 25, 2007
20:57
Mashed Potatoes, Gravy and Cranberry Sauce
» ‎ Annals of a Space Cowboy
Yesterday, I went to UT-Austin's 40 Acres Fest. We, the Arab Student Association, had a table at the event. There were associations and student groups from everywhere and about everything. It was really amazing. There was even a pie-eating contest. Two friends of mine, girls, tried to participate, but they couldn't compete with a 300 lbs frat boy.

In the evening, we went to see the Fest's headliner in concert. Guess who it was... The one and only Little Richard! -dramatic pause- He sang everything from "Lucille" to "Good Golly Miss Molly" to "Tutti Frutti." He brought his only son along with him, he was the bass guitarist of the band. I witnessed the biggest crowd I've ever seen gather for a performer on this campus in my whole soon-to-be-4 years! The 75-year-old rock & roll icon even announced that this was his last year as a touring performer. Now, for the videos:

I kinda felt bad when he said "no videos."
Related Links and Hilarious Videos:
March 21, 2007
19:44
Sundered Reverie (Part Quince)
» ‎ Annals of a Space Cowboy

Note: For earlier parts to the story, click here.
"Let's try one more time. This time it'll be perfect, I know it." Fares is bent on bringing the vixen in Layan back out. Their last very brief engagement hit his hopes and expectations hard. However, it doesn't seem like he'll be giving up anytime soon. "This time I'll wait a week or two before I ask her to meet me again; let the dust settle. Ahhhh, Fares, you sly devil you! Haha!"

Two weeks pass like two years. By now, Fares' ribs are touching, and his skin is itching. He awaited nevertheless, slightly distancing himself from Layan in those two wretched weeks. He hoped it'll bring her back running to him. "It's ok. I know she will when I finally ask her out again." It was the quiet before the storm, with less than a month till high school finals. Fares was in the last stretch of his CDPNE program. It was the perfect time to ask; anymore and both will be too busy to scratch their sides.

It's Wednesday afternoon. He sends her a text message; "Busy?" No reply. He waits for one. 40 minutes later, she calls; "Hey, baby, what's up?" Fares replies, trying to keep his immature impatience from infiltrating his vocal cords...

[Fares]: Heyyy. Whatchu doin'?
[Layan]: Nothing, was with my mom.
[Fares]: Oh that's why you didn't pick up?
[Layan]: -sigh- Yeah.

Layan realizes that she has to be nice, carries on talking...

[Layan]: How are you? What are you up to?
[Fares]: You're sounding like one of the guys. Heh.
[Layan]: Haha. Really? Why?
[Fares]: I dunno. Listen, what are you doing this weekend?
[Layan]: I don't know. I might go with my friends to King's Road. Maybe try to sneak into Stud's again. Why do you ask?
[Fares]: Uhhh, nothing really. Just wanted to know how much phone time I'll be getting the next few days.
[Layan]: Hehe, just enough.

"Just enough? What's that supposed to mean???" Fares was a little agitated, but still kept his cool.

[Fares]: Well, I hope so.
[Layan]: Yeah. Listen, Fares, I really have to go, my mom's calling me.
[Fares]: Wait, how about we me...

She hung up before he could finish his sentence. He's left with two days in the weekend, it's now or never. It's Thursday morning. His mom is surprised that he's up and with her on the breakfast table. She's so happy he's joining her for breakfast that she tells the maid to go rest and that she's going to make Fares his breakfast herself; a cheese omelet topped off with assorted vegetables cooked in sauce. Of course, she did not forget to take out his bottle of Tabasco from the cupboard; he's the only one in the house who loves spicy food so much. They talk, they eat, his mom realizes how much she misses the days when he was back in school; how it was commonplace for him to be up this early on a Thursday. Time flies by, it's almost 11:00am. His mom then excuses herself to the kitchen, she's planning a luscious lunch for everyone.

Fares heads to the living room to watch some TV. He flips through the channels; cartoons, news, news, cooking shows, news, more cartoons, lame! He turns off the TV and goes up to his room. He fondles his phone. He finally decides to call Layan. The phone rings, rings, rings... She picks up! For the first time, since they first started talking on the phone, she actually picked up on a Thursday morning. But they didn't talk. She told him that she was with her older sister at the Aramco dining hall having breakfast, and that she'll call him as soon as she gets back home. Fares reluctantly says "ok." He goes back up to his room with his tail between his legs. He looks long and hard at his phone, hoping that -maybe- if he focuses enough mental energy into it, it would bring her up to call him. No use. He rests his head on the pillow and slowly drifts into slumber. He wakes up to his mom telling him to wash up and get dressed quickly so that they can go to his grandmother's for lunch; something they're accustomed to on weekends. He looks at his phone's clock; "Shit! It's already almost four in the afternoon!" He looks for a missed call from Layan in his phone log; nothing.

The family rode in two cars and headed towards the grandparents'; one driven by their Indian driver Yousef, and one by Fares. Jowahir rode with Fares, she loves riding in his car; he always plays good music and drives at higher, more exciting, speeds. They get to the house and get down. Fares, and his siblings, each carry a plate of their mom's cooking; she always helps their grandmother out on weekends, since her table gets filled with her daughters along with their husbands and children. Each plate gives off a different mouth-watering aroma. Fares smells the plate in his hands; "Yes! Tabsi Bathenjan!" [a Middle Eastern eggplant casserole dish] He walks into the house very happy.

Lunch is done, and everyone is drinking tea with saffron in front of the TV. His dad, who joined later on the table after he got off of work, is discussing the ongoings of the stock market with his uncle. His aunt is discussing hair dyes with his uncle's wife. His mom hands him a plate of cut-up watermelons and a motherly-warm smile. Time passes. He goes out with his aunt to get some donuts to snack on in the evening. They take a drive along the Corniche. It's almost 7:00pm right now.

Clock strikes 8. Fares is sitting very impatient. Clock strikes 9. Fares is now frustrated. 15 minutes shy of the clock striking 10, Layan calls...

[Layan]: Hey, you.
[Fares]: Where the hell have you been!!?

Track of the Moment:
Puddle of Mudd - "Take it All Away"
March 17, 2007
21:54
"It"
» ‎ Annals of a Space Cowboy

I'm a failure,
you're my only success.
This is such a surprise.
I was sentenced to death
by lethal separation.
My crime?
Taking it one day at a time.

Within my heart
is a small incision.
That is where
I hid your picture.
There will be
no other incisions.
And that is my final decision.

Make me feel that it's ok
to be imperfect,
to be nervous,
to be worthless,
to be yours.

I'll try to compensate,
but I won't reiterate.
And I can't guarantee
that I won't feel some hate;
it's healthy.

Even though we're drunk,
behind the steering wheel,
and driving a rusty wreck,
we'll surely make it home.

Track of the Moment:
The Wallflowers - "One Headlight"
March 16, 2007
3:12
Iran vs. 300
» ‎ Annals of a Space Cowboy

The press, officials and bloggers have united in denouncing the film as another example of "psychological warfare" against Tehran by its American arch enemy at a time of mounting tension over its nuclear programme. "Hollywood declares war on Iranians," said the headline in the reformist daily Ayandeh-No of the film which tells the story of the 300 Spartan soldiers fighting off ancient Persians in the Battle of Thermopylae.
-- Yahoo! News

I already saw the movie; the only thing worth watching in it are the fight scenes. They were amazing! However, some of the scenes of the movie were very dumb. Oh yeah, and I'm back from Spring Break; I think my levels of 'crazy' have been reoriented.
July 19, 2006
18:54
Attention Airheads!
» ‎ Annals of a Space Cowboy
If you think the picture above is "cute," you might be an airhead.

On my latest pet peeve; this is also in response to a comment Dot left on my chatter box...

What is up with this overabundance of female airheads invading my once-beloved Saudi blogosphere? It's the same lame thing everywhere I surf the web! A drab pink, white, or green background laid behind a stupid post, be it on her latest frivolous shopping spree, a self-indlugent recollection of an encounter with a male counterpart, or a sad attempt at seeming to be deep. Fuck this. That's not all; another thing I noticed were the relays of pretentious, hypocritical, blondish compliments between these so-called bloggers.
[Airhead 1]: You go girl! :")
[Airhead 2]: Awwww, thank you, sweetie. =*
[Airhead 1]: Your blog rocks!
[Airhead 2]: Not like yours. =D
[Airhead 1]: No, seriously, keep it up. :)
[Airhead 2]: Let's meet up!
[Airhead 1]: Awww, I'd love that! Yay!?
[Airhead 2]: Yeah, let's -like- go shopping... and maybe -like- talk...
[Airhead 1]: About... stuff? :S
[Airhead 2]: Yeah!
[Airhead 1]: Like what?
[Airhead 2]: Like... Like... Ummmm... Our stupid blogs! :D~
[Airhead 1]: Yay! Let's, then, have a slumber party!?
[Airhead 2]: I'd love that! Yaaay!
[Airhead 1]: Yaaaaay!?
Ms. Airhead Bimbo, there are some things you need to know:
1. Adding -ita or -ata or any other suffix to your name or nickname does not make you Latin. It just sounds... stupid.
2. Try writing about something that does not involve you.
3. Joining the Saudi Book Club and embedding their badge in your blog's template to add some sophistication to your facade is not such a good idea.
4. The US is more than just Los Angeles, Las Vegas, New York, and Miami. And, no, you're not Carrie Bradshaw; owning a pair of Jimmy Choo's does not make you her.
5. Try not to be so typical, you're ruining it for the rest of us.
6. Next time, amuse me.

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